The art of the self portrait.

I know I've discussed this before but I have new thoughts.

I have a serious and long standing interest in the art of the self portrait.

I think a lot of this has to do with issues I've had over the years with my own appearance and my endless fascination with the varying ways and things one can show the world with a self portrait. Also with having a visual representation of my habitual naval gazing as well.

And not a little vanity of course.

I've been slowly taking some self portraits and I have two that I am supremely proud of because I just like them visually.

I will show them at the bottom.

I'm also highly interested in visibility. Being visible to myself. If nobody else appreciates said photos that's fine, what's important is giving myself a chance to outwardly show some things I feel inside.

I realize that there is a political implication and aspect to some of the things I want to do and quite frankly I don't care. This is a new realization.

I don't care what my slow going project does or doesn't do for fat folks, black folks, queer folks or whomever and that's a little hard for me.

That's hard for me to say because I -want- to care about making an impact for (insert people here) everywhere but this isn't for you all it's for me.

What I'm having the most trouble is technical currently.

I don't have great light sources for what I am aiming to do and I am not yet a good enough photographer to work with it. Most of my lighting successes have been entirely accidental and I don't know how to replicate them.

I will show you folks some examples of self portraiture I really like. And here is my question for you folks, how does one go about creating and figuring these things out? Do I just start shooting and work it out as I go along?

Aside from really loving her writing I love a lot of the self portraits Violet Blue takes of herself. NSFW mostly dudes.

I also love wooferSTL a lot. Some NSFW. A lot of his photos make me want to get to know him, have a cuddle. Have some beers and share a plate of food.

I also love a lot of the pictures in this Taking Pictures of Myself group on Flickr as well.

I'm thinking part of my problem with doing this thing is some low level fear. I'm afraid my pictures will be crap, that I won't be able to express what I want to.

I'm not so much afraid of being seen. Which is a nice feeling.

So help me out. Should I just work with what I've got until I can get my crafting/photo area (when not shooting outside which I have yet to master) done?

Do I put on my big girl panties and manly hard hat and get to work?

So, all that said here are some of the self portraits I'm most proud of.



Click for the bigger image. I like this picture because even though it's fairly simple, just my eyeball yanno, there are things to look at. The eyelash on my cheek, the things reflected on my eye, my freckles and birthmarks (of which I have plenty on my face).

And this one, which you'll recognize from my header.



Naked skin, my head is tilted with my eyes closed. That photo says a lot about how I spend some time of my life. Quiet. Thinking. Trying to see inwardly.

All this might be psuedo artistic blabbering but it is how I feel.

That picture makes me happy even though it's fairly somber.

There was a time when I would have slit your throat if you tried to take my picture without me having my hair did and make up on. And there was no fucking way I'd have let someone take one that close up.

So these are a start I think.

I'd like to move into more body oriented things, more costume and tom foolery.

Okay that's all.

I had a big Fatshionista related post planned but I just don't feel like it. I've been trying to reframe what I have to say and it's just not happening and I don't know if it would be productive to share my opinions right now.

At this point I think I might just lurk there for awhile until I figure out what it is that I'm feeling exactly.

Or I might spew it all out here.

Either way it's nothing personal, it's just a thing that I need to process in order to get out of my brain in a way that's not dickish.

And in more exciting news, I finished my screenplay. I WON FUCKING SCRIPT FRENZY.

My after impressions are here on my el jay. Feel free to comment even if you don't has the El Jay.

Now if you folks will excuse me, I need to do some naval gazing and writing about said naval gazing.

Homo Out.

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Savagry of beauty.

Via Meowser and Harriet I have discovered this fantastic clip of a Brit lady named Susan Boyle.

The clip of her singing on some UK tv show, sums up much of what I think is fucking wrong with people.

Now whether you acknowledge it or not there is the going idea that if one is pretty one must be talented, or if one is talented one must be pretty.

(In this context I'm using pretty as in beauty by Western Ideals, not my personal ideas about beauty.)

Beauty is given virtue and assigned good moral values. Beauty means you must be awesome at everything you do because well look at you.

Beauty can also all to often mean if you're a fucking asshole you get excused to a point because, well look at how hot you are.

Beauty can often mean you can be a total moron, but again look how hot you are so it's okay.

If you watch the video above while enjoying Susan's amazing voice watch those judges. Now I know it's TV and exaggeration makes good ratings but, look at their faces.

Physical beauty is no indicator of talent or lack thereof. Physical beauty isn't really a good indicator of much these days given the amounts of plastic surgery and photoshopping that go around.

Models don't look like models.

That singer you think looks like the hottest bit of walking sex, probably does not roll out of bed looking that way.

What really bugs me is the Cult of Hotness that seems to have become the indicator of all things.

Now I know that somewhere someone is thinking, "Oh you're just bitter cause you're not hot" which isn't the point here.

I long ago embraced and learned to own the fact that there are probably a shit ton of people who think I'm plug ugly and that's fine. That's not what I take issue with.

I take issue with beauty ideals becoming replacements for genuine talent.

I think this makes music suck.

I think this makes art less than.

I think this disrespects all of the creative and ingenious people who have gone before us.

These things are why I developed an interest in alternative art and artists.

I devote quite a bit of my time looking for that elusive unabashed naked anti-beauty. Not ugliness in the "ew gross" kind of way but ugliness in the, "this (person/painting/music/what have you) is astonishing and wonderful" way.

There is something in me that answers to and yearns for the things that are challenging. The things that make me think or kind of freak me out in a way.

I want to see people who are visually weird. I want to see things that challenge me because they aren't easily pinned down as just pretty.

This is what has fueled my interest in fashion, art, make up, etc. Being that I am not (ever so sad about this) not an artist, things like weird clothes and make up are where I can explore these desires and express them.

Does this make any sense?

I don't know if it does or not.

This comes from a purely emotional brain place rather than a rational one.

So instead of blathering on and on about these things let me show you some things I like to look at and read that I find delicious and pleasing.

Coilhouse Magazine. Delicious on the web and even better in print.

Molly Crabapple is an artist whom I discovered completely by accident at some point and now love.

Morbid Anatomy. Weird, amazing things. Good writing too.

Haute Macabre. I think I've mentioned them before but I really enjoy that spot.

Femina Potens. I don't live in SF but if I did I would spend a large amount of time there.

For the Tongue in Chic from the folks at the House of Bias. Delicious.

Flaws..

Most of these kinds of things are very thin white places. Which is unfortunate and sometimes disheartening also, sometimes it's intimidating.

Also unfortunate I don't really have the resources to be involved as much as I'd like and I'm not really contributing to diversity myself so I don't complain overmuch.

It's just a fact of life that must be dealt with like everything else. Is it perfect? No. Is it exactly to my tastes and ideas? No.

But since none of those places are my sandbox I'm not going to piss in other peoples litterboxes.

Like anything else, I believe that the more diverse of an audience things get, the more diverse they can become on a small scale if people get involved.

So that means make art, love art, appreciate art.

Okay enough for the day.

I don't feel so swell right now and I need some otc pain relievers and possibly some more tea.

I also need to (really need to) look for a new pair of pants.

Homo Out.

Also..before I forget I have a crap ton of new pictures to upload to my flickr and will probably post a link to those tomorrow.

Uuh.

I think that's really all. Going to work on my script and write a certain editor who shall remain nameless because he's dirty.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, art, afrosphere

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I presents, my presentation.

First before I present my presentation (that totally has a point and it's not just me being crazy..er crazier than usual) welcome my Fatosphere Homies. Put your feet up, pop a beer, have a donut, eat some cheese and feel free to put them on the glass and send me a picture.

Also before I begin can I Just say that listening to late 70's soul and disco makes it so your day cannot go wrong. I am seriously trying very hard not to get up do the hustle, and add in some post millennium booty shake for reals yo. If there were fewer people at the office I totally would.

Okay so sorry my darlings but before I get to the serious we need a booty shake break.

The weather here is gloomy and damp enough to make my joints ache so as I have previously mentioned, this is a situation that calls for booty shake.

Proceed to get your groove on, feel free to demonstrate your spectacular lack of rhythm if you indeed lack it. Doesn't matter if you has booty or not, that thing that's in your seat, shake it. Or if you can't, shake whatever is hand. I present, Chic Le Freak.

And okay another digression but I have a firm belief that there are certain kinds of music it's impossible to be upset while listening to. And I'm not talking like personal emotional shit that's happened to you this is a vast generality I know but it's a theory.

Zydeco. Have you EVER seen an angry Cajun booty shaking to some Zydeco? No because it is impossible. I dare you to listen to some Buckwheat Zydeco and not just feel happy.

And please remember folks. I use the term booty shaking as a celebratory I'm motherfucking happy and am going to project that by shaking parts of my anatomy in love and joy. Don't get it twisted.

Okay now really back to what I wanted to talk about.

I want to talk about presentation and what it means and doesn't mean to me and why I am not conflicted about it at all.

I was musing the other day while looking at this tshirt from Tshirt Hell. And yes before anyone gets frothy I know a lot of people hate that place. I think some of that shit is funny. What I was thinking about is how I tend to turn my back on throwing around political terms when it comes to how I present myself to the world.

Why do I do that?

Tell you the truth I can't put my finger on it in a meaningful way other than my serious aversion to anything that sets off my DO NOT WANT radar. I don't know why my radar will go DINGDINGDING but it does. I can deal with that.

That said I realized a few years ago that the things I find delightfully funny, absurdly ironic and that make my inner 9 foot tall silver glitter afro wearing drag queen go OH HONEY YES! Can be (and is often viewed) by other people as some radical political statements.

Holy. Shit. Man.

Whoa. When this dawned on me (don't ask me how I didn't figure out it out previously) I actually stopped wearing a few things because I was like (no really you have to picture this) *OMFGWTF WUT WUT OMFG* doing that while running around in little circles trying to figure out how to be responsible about presenting what can be construed as whatever radical statement.

Where I failed then as I do sometimes now, is that I don't actually have a deeply radical political agenda when I decide to wear a tshirt that says I love My Pussy or says something about balls. Yes that is my big secret.

That said there are a few things that are absolutely purposeful fuck you's.

For instance.

If I am ever able to comfortably excite the corporate world in pursuit of my writing or whatever else I am getting the words "Fuck You" tattooed on the inside of my right middle finger. Why?

The most honest explanation is that I have a deep and abiding dislike of being in the mainstream workforce where I feel like I have to spend time conforming and settling in order to get along and make the filthy lucre.

Actually if you want to know the most basic truth about who I am as a person and my political stance. The message is brought to you by the letters F and U.

Frankly I have always been in some way or another an oppositional fucker. I also have a very strong and sometimes bullet proof sense of self and of where I stand in this big wide world. Hence, trying to sway me in a direction politically speaking is hard going.

Anyone who has a desire to see a party line toed I am not your homie honestly. I will question, challenge etc until I am satisfied. Sometimes (this is a personality flaw) I am not nice about it.

All that said, if you want to know why I am wearing something or doing something feel free to ask. I am glad to talk about it. What I am not glad to do is have anyone try to drill their reasons for doing something into my headpiece. If I say because I think it's funny/sparkly/pretty/OHBOOBIES that's probably exactly why.

Moving along.

MoPie posted this tidbit about Madonna and her self proclaimed fat thighs. Honestly my initial reaction was eye rolling however I have to wonder if Madonna suffers from that terrible affliction where people believe that a womans thighs are in fact fat if they are not small enough and shaped so that there is a concavity betwixt them.

This leads me into something that I've talked about previously on occasion. (see this recent entry for some of my musings on fetish art)

I was perusing Deviant Art recently and happened upon a photograph where the photographer made quite a point about the model being in the "curvier" section of his models.

The model is a fairly fit looking woman with a slight pear shape, flat stomach, muscular what I would call athletic looking thigh parts, medium boobies, clearly serious hip to waist ratio.

What bothers me is the use of "curvier" as a euphemism for bigger/fatter. A large majority of this photographers subjects are extremely very thin with the (thesedays)fairly ubiquitous boyish shape, no pubes look.

Why is it necessary to have the warning qualification that the model isn't stick thin? The model in this particular photo is not fat by any stretch of the imagination but because she isn't more like the standard model there is the qualifier.

I find that tiring and a serious turn off. Just like when in the mainstream media any non skinny performer of any sort has the qualifier tucked in there, portly, chubby, etc etc.

Can you imagine if people started doing that in regular conversation? Picture this

You and your homie run into me on the street and you want to make introductions.

You: Oh HAY Shannon this is my *deep breath* female, bisexual, monogamous, red haired, European American, average height, fat, Democrat, flat footed, furry arm pitted, Jewish friend with no benefits or other sexual component.....

Me: *blink...blink*wut?

I know it's ridiculous in that amount but if you were showing me a picture of your aforementioned homie would you feel the need to tell me all that? Or warn me of fatness or armpit hair? Or would it be easier and more enjoyable to just sayL

You: Shannon, look at this picture of my friend.

Me: Wow she is awesome.

See?

My point here is that at some point we human types are going to have to give up all these bullshit monikers we've assigned each other because as people get more diverse it gets way over complicated and frankly I think it's fucking dumb.

So please. Really.

I really think that making a point of ignoring the splashy useless adjectives that are pinned to people to keep them in a comfortable labeled wee box is mother fucking radical. Moving on.

My homies do any of you read VenusZine? Ever since the long ago demise of Sassy I have been pining for a kick ass magazine I can get into. However most magazines I lose interest fairly quickly because I am picky about good and interesting writing and not just the same old sucking it in broken down doll models.

Is it any good?

And along with my warblings about art I want to talk alittle about my still forming attempts at photography.

Lately I've been looking at a lot of interesting self portraits. I want to learn to really see myself.

So I am pretending to be an artiste.

And the following photo is not artistic but very me.



Homo Out.

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